The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
