I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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