I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize