We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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