A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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