We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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