He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
