She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
