Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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