i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize