Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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