Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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