I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
