OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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