she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
