its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
