i think i have herpe
just one?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize