im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
dude. I can hear the air.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
