It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
