They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
either way he was missing a nipple.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
