dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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