are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
