just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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