All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
