when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
