I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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