At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize