I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
