I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
