I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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