you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
