Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
