I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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