You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
