the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize