Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
