You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
