I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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