Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
