A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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