she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
