Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
