You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there is glitter all over my balls
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