i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
