Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
