You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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