That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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