Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
