ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize