As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
