Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
