Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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