There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so much tequila, so little girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
