wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
