Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sober January is a disaster.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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