U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
pop tarts are not kleenex
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
