You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
