i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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