Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
