OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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