I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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