My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She told me I should be a condom model.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
