pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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