Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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