i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
