I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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