So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
