Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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