You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize