News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
