Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
