Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize