if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
