Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
