My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
