Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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