Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
