halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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