I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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