Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
