There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize