woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
