Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
