His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize