Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
