on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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