oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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