Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
