Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
