Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
