im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
