i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
